30 Days of Erotic Truth #23: "The REAL One"

Task: Dom/sub… sexy or just an excuse for men/women to abuse?




Oh my!



D/s is definitely a beautiful and sexy thing…when done/sharedright.



I have been involved with 2 Doms in my life. My experienceswith first one taught me to appreciate the second One, before I ever even methim.



My first Dom was not a bad guy, just one with serious issues when it came to women. To me, he feared any relationship between two women. If two women who were with him formed a friendship, and shared anything that he was not directly involved with, he would become angry and accuse them of forming a secret alliance against him. He felt he should be included in, and privy to every aspect of our lives…including our other female friends. As is a Dom's prerogative, when he became angry he would take his frustrations out on his sub sexually, but he would take them out on me mentally. He never beat either of us in the sense of wanting to do physical harm by punching, slapping, etc. With her, I watched him spank her until a deep tissue bruise formed. Once with me he penetrated me anally without benefit of mental/physical preparation or lube. He was angry. He wanted to punish me. He fucked me in my ass. However,the mental punishment to me was far worse. The mind games, the need to make us feel like we'd done him wrong when we hadn't, the constant arguing until I had headaches and gave in to his way of thinking. Eventually I had to walk away. I told myself that I would never get involved with a Dom again.



Several years later, I met my True One.



He is a Dom in every sense of the word, but in no way like my first Dom. He's loving, kind, protective, firm when needed, respectful, funny, and a very willing and patient guide. He's not in any hurry to make me His sub, and He's not into hurting me mentally. He's a gentle man, but He's no punk or push over. He only wants the best for and from me. He wants us to grow together,to experience things together, and He wants to share in my learning process. The sex between is incredible. He challenges my appetite, and gently pushes me at times to go beyond my limits…not to hurt me, but to expand my horizons and see my strengths in different ways. Anyone can see and feel the chemistry between us, even if we're just lost in conversation with each other. I've seen it jump out of pictures, lol. We always have a wonderful time together in EVERY aspect, not just D/s. there is just no denying how in tune we are with each other. Things were hard for me at first. Being a dominant person myself, it was very hard for me to give myself over to Him and let Him lead. Even with my first Dom I never really had to. And I still have my moments, but I have come to truly trust and depend on Him, and I love the freedom it gives me. Everything hasn't been smooth sailing. No relationship is, including D/s. But we weather our rough patches and are stronger for them. He always wants every experience with Him to be a memorable one, and so far they have been. The reality of our situation is that while He is a Dom, He is not my Dom and I am not His sub…as far as titles go. But I love Him with everything in me, and in my heart I am His… He IS my One. In His heart, I belong to Him.



I said all of that to say this: I have been in an abusive relationship. I know what it is to have someone hurt you physically, mentally, spiritually. Even with the not-so-great experience I had with my first Dom, I can't honestly say that D/s is just an excuse for someone to be abusive. I had some good experiences with my first Dom, and learned much about myself and people in the process. Abuse can occur in ANY relationship. People create excuses to abuse others all the time. You don't need a particular type of relationship to do it. From what I've seen and experienced, the good and the bad, that just isn't what D/s is about. I have the love of a GOOD Dom to prove it.